It's said that having children is the most wonderful and the most challenging thing in the world. I would certainly agree with this statement. The sheer joy of holding that tiny little hand in yours after the emotional and physical exhaustion of giving birth, is the most wonderful feeling. And then of course there are those miserable nights ahead, as you drag yourself from your bed to help a screaming child, wishing all the while that just a few more minutes of sleep would be really nice, And then, after you change them and start to feed them, silence fills the room, and you sit there, feeding this small bundle as love fills your heart. The wonder of it all fills your mind and being. This tiny little person, you brought in to this world, to feed, to nurture, to help it grow, so that it too, will be able to do his/her part in this world.
And then onto the toddler stage. The wonder in their innocent eyes as they inspect the tiniest little things at their feet. As joy fills your heart when they reach down to pick a small flower and offer it to you. Only to turn into frustration as you watch before your eyes , this little angel become the horror, all because you won't give them what they want right now. For someone who's never been around kids, this can be quite a daunting task to try and work out how to correct this. I tried ignoring and cajoling, and then there's my all time favourite, pick them up and put them in another room and let them cry it out somewhere else. That finally worked for the most part. And of course there's the potty training exercise. It's hilarious to watch a child running around the house only to slam on the brakes mid stride, grunting with a bright red face, and then when finished, continue on like nothing ever happened. Praise can be a wonderful thing for little ones in training and of course encouraging them to be a "big" person always helps. Although there will always be one who doesn't care because there's just too much to do!
Then as their world expands beyond mum and dad, they start asking questions, like who, what, where, and why. Repeatedly. Things like, "Why is that lady fat?", the all time favourite,"Where do babies come from?", and "who's the lady that daddy was with?". All of which, raises a few eyebrows or brings a few snickers from those around you. It's still a wonderful time as you watch them grow each day and take in the world around them. They absorb things on all levels, mental, physical, and spiritual. They listen to everything you say, watch everything you do, and then repeat it.
And then on to school. That first day. You think to yourself, it's time. We're here, at this stage of their lives, and you can't believe how time has flown by already. They were just babies yesterday, I'm sure of it. That first day can be either wonderful or dreadful. It all depends on the emotional stability of the child. Some are ready, others are not. My first child didn't let go of my leg until she was in second grade. and that was only after the teacher told me to go home. (Me?...I was the problem?!) While my second child didn't even give me a glance as he trotted off to his first day ready for action. And then the third one was just happy to be with their older siblings.
Then life progresses well, as the kids are doing their studies at school. They join in with family activities, and enjoy your company and you theirs. That is, until they hit about 12. The whole world suddenly shrinks, to you and your work/career. There's a silence in the house and you don't know what happened. So you go looking for the kids only to find that they're at a friend's house, or on the phone, or on the computer. Silence is a wonderful thing, that is, until there's too much of it. Suddenly their world is now their friends and you are no longer required to make decisions for them, or tell them what they can do and cannot do. They're old enough to make their own decisions. And you're feeling cast off, like an old sock. This next period is the worst for both parents and kids alike. This period requires major adjustments from all sides. Kids suddenly become focused on who they are, what they look like, and where they fit in, in their world. That's why they react so strongly to criticism and peer pressure. The parents have already gone through this, they know about it, know how THEY responded to what was happening during their own teen years. So they try to 'help' their kids come through this. But unfortunately, kids don't want to know what THEY went through. They only see their own needs and desires and even those are scattered about in the wind. They voice their desires and wants, but in 5 minutes that could all change. And the parents are left shaking their heads wondering what happened to their small loving child who turned into a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. How does the parent cope with this creature of the night who defies you at every turn? Who's belligerent in their attitude and thinks you don't know anything? This is where the parent needs to realize that the child is growing up and AWAY from you. At this time, the parent who has made all decisions, now needs to give them space to let them grow, which can be very hard to do, knowing they're going to fall. My husband firmly believes they become that way, so you WANT to get rid of them as soon as possible. It makes you feel that you don't want to live with them anymore.
I counted my blessings to watch my children go through their teens and come out the other side without hurting others, or destroying themselves. I ask myself, at times, why we go through these experiences, and for the most part, I know it's just a learning curve for all. Sometimes it can be very painful. One thing that I've learned , is that it depends on how you look at life . Remaining positive and not taking responsibility for the choices of a teen is a firm step. You can help them to accept the responsibility for their choices, but you cannot make their choices for them.
And now, as the child becomes a young adult themselves. They still need a guiding hand as to some of life's lessons, but nothing as traumatic as the teens. And now, they're willing to listen to you, to see if your experience might work for them. You breathe a sigh of relief and say a quick thank you to God for giving your child back to you.
And as they progressively get older, they're now giving you 'those' looks that I can remember giving my parents/in laws, as they gave you advice and told you what the best thing would be for you. Ah yes, it's all starting to turn around. I guess they don't need advice anymore.
And here I am, at 50 years old, not wanting to get 'those 'looks, but to live my life, as I couldn't afford to do so for many years. And while skydiving is definitely out of the question, there are still many things that I want to experience. So I leave the kids now to work out their lives and their own situations, while this old fossil is still young enough to work out her own and enjoy doing so.
We all have lessons in life to learn which helps us to grow and hopefully, to become wiser. Our job is to show our children how to address those life lessons and to learn from them. And they in turn, are our life lessons. We all learn from each other. Not only to appreciate the people who come into our lives, but from those who are closest to us. The wise ones know this.
My life is at peace now, knowing that my children will be able to move forward and will be able to take the responsibility for their own choices in life. Kids! Who'd have em? Me.
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